Self psychological analysis

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably found yourself in some sort of crisis and were subsequently attracted to the title of this article. Or you’re simply having a quiet moment sipping lukewarm-chilled coffee while hiding from your kids in the pantry. Either way, welcome. And to all you pantry hiding coffee sippers no judgment, mama. You are among your people. Read on.

We’ve all faced crises in our lifetime. Whether you acknowledge them as crises or not doesn’t alter the reality that famous psychologist and developmental theorist Erik Erikson’s identified as critical to psychosocial development.

Erikson first made brain waves for me as an undergrad while studying integrated language arts education. We were required to take psychology, childhood psychology, adolescent development, etc. and somewhere amidst binders full of notes on how to make the plot diagram of a novel matter to a fourteen year old, notes on Erikson’s stages of crisis are tucked in amongst the folds. At the time, I didn’t realize how critical the foundation of this knowledge would be for me personally, and you probably don’t either.

To quickly summarize Erikson’s theories without this turning into a psych lecture, Erikson defines eight psychosocial stages we go through from infancy to adulthood where we face psychosocial crises which are critically connected to personality development. You can read more here if this fascinates you as much as it does me: https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html.

I’m 28, almost 29. So I’m plunked right near the center of stage six: intimacy vs. isolation. During this stage the crises relate to creating, and sustaining meaningful relationships. Doing so successfully ultimately leads to fulfillment, happiness, self worth, etc. While not doing this effectively could result in lower self worth, depression, etc.

Critical to Erikson’s theory is the connection to our own self-perception as we move through various crises, and the resolution of any conflict as we advance through each stage. If a stage is not properly incorporated into one’s psych with the criteria being met, and the stage crisis being properly explored and handled, little tidbits of that stage will linger on and affect the stages that follow (this is, again, an extremely basic breakdown).

As a former high school educator I can attest to the crises stage that students are engaged in: ego vs. identity and have witnessed its impact on their comprehension, retention, and demonstration of material. If a student or group of students is involved in any typical teen “drama” -you know, the kind we “adults” often roll our eyes in response to -the student will be unable to retain content effectively. This, undoubtedly affects their education, their social status, and reputation. Therefore, the crisis of adolescents is more critical than you may realize; especially if you have teenagers, who are your current cause(s) for reading this article.

Let me put this in ‘how this relates to the mamas hiding in the pantry and the men on the toilet who may just have stuck around this long’ language. How capable are we at remembering the items we need from the grocery store when we have a disagreement with our mom, best friend, husband, wife, teenager, or are battling an internal conflict of some sort?

Maybe a job change (intentional or unannounced), the loss of a loved one, or a loved one battling cancer has caused an intrusion in your life that you weren’t prepared for. If that’s the case, I’m deeply sorry. And as far as it concerns me if I’m dealing with a crisis and the grocery items aren’t penned in blood on my list, I’m probably not remembering that the peanut butter was ⅞ of the way empty and that I mentally logged to replace it after scraping that last ⅛ out and eating it raw before locking the door behind me to head to the store.

Similarly, when I stood in front of hundreds of freshman and attempted to teach them about Shakespeare’s Swan theater, which eventually became the Globe theater in London where his plays were performed, and in other various places across Europe, I could tell which kids were mentally entangled in an external or internal conflict and were maybe 15-20% mentally present for the lesson, at best and which ones might be distracted by the fact it was almost lunchtime, but were otherwise primarily, cognitively present.

When we’re faced with a crisis the tasks on our day to day to-do list can go unmet. Physical, emotional, and spiritual needs can go unmet. This can cause you to sink into depression, into financial crises, or disrupt meaningful relationships as a result of the crisis. Again, you are among your people. I’ve been there on all accounts.

So. Mama in the closet. Dad on the jon. Single men and women going through the various transitions and crises life throws at us. My fellow humans. What does this have to do with you?

Invariably, we’ll face conflict throughout every stage of our life. Erikson merely identified the type of crises based on psychological maturity. How we handle that conflict determines our connection to our own wellness as the relationship of self to self and self to others, and is directly coordinated to our overall wellness. Here are some tips to help you remain engaged and functional in your daily life when dealing with a crisis no matter what psychological, psychosocial, or developmental stage you’re in.

1. Acknowledge your individual personality tendencies

2. Isolate areas of ineffective coping

3. Strategize ways of remaining productive during times of crises

4. Seek emotional and mental wellness support

5. Seek physical wellness support to maintain mental and physical wellness

6. Separate roles you play from your identity

Teaching was always something I felt that I had to put forced effort into because it violated my personality. I faced constant adversity as a result right up until the point where I resigned after severing meaningful relationships as a result of not understanding the crisis I was in psychologically. Based on the personality type assessment in the link below I fit into a populous of 9%: ISTJ. Introverted, sensing, thinking, and judging. Knowing this has helped me reevaluate my personal and professional decisions and helped me connect to myself in an emotionally healthy way. Take the assessment to help identify your individual personality type and get to know yourself. You might like you.

Isolating ineffective coping mechanisms is critical. Coping may seem as though it is getting you through, but one time a dentist put a filling over a cavity in a molar of mine that he hadn’t completely drilled the cavity out of. With the filling overtop of it the tooth rotted to the root. After a root canal several years later, and years of on and off pain I had to have it pulled. Turning to alcohol, food, unhealthy relationships, gambling, any other addiction or method to cope in order to get you through may help the problem for the moment, but it will do nothing to heal the root -in fact, it will only cause it to fester, and rot entirely.

Listing is one of the ways that I’m able to remain productive. My lists range in size and severity. I’ve listed “take a shower,” before while on maternity leave and battling severe postpartum depression*. And you know what? I took a shower that day. The smallest victory can boost your confidence, and propel you forward. If you’re in a low, like a low-low, right now start with something you have immediate control over: go make your bed. I’m serious. As a mom, and human straight up it will make you feel more productive and give you a sense of accomplishment.

Seeking help is something that I struggle with. I mean, really, really struggle with. When my marriage was suffering* my husband and I made numerous counseling appointments over the span of two years, and I didn’t open my mouth to say more than ten words total until the situation reached a critical level. Seek help. One piece of advice I always gave to my writing students who struggled to get words down on paper was that no matter the assignment just write the words. Sentences can be hard, explanations suck, grasping what you’re going through in full paragraph form, or out loud to a perfect stranger can be mortifying if you have an introverted personality like me. The great thing about writing is that it’s private. You have complete control over who you show. I’ll add a writing exercise below that has helped me, and many students uncork time and time again.

Physical wellness is often the first to go by the wayside when we’re in a crisis. Energy is put into dealing with the crisis, sleep is often lost over it, when we have opportunities to exercise we don’t want to, and man does an ice cream cake sound good right about now. Sound familiar? You’re talking to a girl who, before being diagnosed with a milk protein allergy, could dominate an entire ice cream cake. Let me advise you to not do that. Static stretching is a great place to start if you’re not a routine exerciser and what it will do for your outlook will shock you.* When you exercise, and eat right it really does help stabilize your mental status no matter what you’re going through. Below is an idea for a stretch that not only relieves migraines, but will improve circulation, and help your heart health.

Finally, don’t be too attached to the things you do and confuse them for who you are. Now, ultimately the stuff we do defines us in terms of the choices we make, the ideals we hold, and the way we choose to live our lives. But that’s not what this point intendeds to address. This point is intended to remind you that you, all on your own, are enough. No matter your job description, your daily agenda, career, or external circumstance that is not what defines you. How you conduct yourself in the face of adversity, and how you treat yourself, and others is ultimately what defines you.

To the mama in the closet, the working woman on her lunch break, the dad frying eggs for the kids for breakfast, the young man in his office reading, to the humans. You are not alone in your crisis. Identifying it, setting practices for dominating your way through it, and remaining mentally and physically present for the ones you love and the ones who love you are just the beginning stages of moving through it. The rest is up to you.

https://my-personality-test.com/personality-type-indicator?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7rCgjYSc2wIVSTaBCh2hOALIEAAYAyABEgJF1vD_BwE

I started writing as a freshman in high school. For years, after I’d endured various abuses, I wrote. I kept journals, and I wrote it all out. All that was inside me I purged out in ink on paper. I wrote down all the injustices that had been done to me, and when I reached a turning point in my life and moved forward point I burned it all ceremoniously to symbolize my release of it. That was dramatic and kind of dumb looking back because now I desperately wish I had some of that writing.

Okay, so here is the writing exercise I was talking about. This is called a “purge write” and you’ll need: a stopwatch (I use my apple watch or phone), a piece of paper, and any writing utensil. Pick a topic. If you’re having trouble picking a topic list out things that interest you, choose the one you know most about or are most interested in. Set a time limit. I start with 60 seconds, but if this is brand new set for you set a smaller goal like maybe 30-45 seconds. When the time begins, so should your pencil. Start out by writing all the things you know about the topic, but this is key to the exercise: if you’re mind starts wandering so should your pencil. If you start out writing about cats, and end up writing about dolphins you saw on your vacation to the Keys, good. This exercise has no structure. It is simply intended to unplug you, and get you going. Write constantly for the duration of 30-60 seconds.

Heart healthy, static stretch: find a wall. Scootch up to it with your knees bent in front of you. When you reach the wall, put your legs parallel against it so that your bottom is pressed up against the floorboard, and your legs are straight up the wall. Stay like this for 4-5 minutes. This stretch alleviates the heart of pushing blood to your feet, allows it a “rest,” improves circulation, and helps clear the mind of stress. When you scootch away from the wall, don’t stand up immediately. Move slowly taking deep breaths in through your nose, and out through your mouth so that your whole chest and abdomen fill and expand before standing.